Oh, man, I am fired up.
Yeah, yeah, I'm just excited.
You know, I love hanging out with you
and love, you know, hanging out with you.
And welcome to another edition
of What's Good with John and Joyce.
It's our 30 minutes.
Each and every week
we can get away from all the bias
and all the negativity
out there in the world and just kind of
okay, there's a place I can go to
for a little respite, a little escape.
Yeah.
Are you I like,
I know, mellow, I do, I am yeah.
I mean I probably, probably cuz
I worked out got the endorphins going.
But you like to work out at night,
don't you?
And I work out
first thing in the morning and just.
I'm brain dead all the time.
Don't you agree with that? No.
My wife's going. Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah,
I wake up,
you know, my hair is all sticking up.
All right, I don't know, we're,
You're still adorable, Joyce.
Come on now.
Come on.
Nighttime. I'm all fired up.
You guys are going to bed, right?
I remember the days, you know,
when I would rock and roll all night.
Like the song by kiss rock and party
every day.
You'd be out till one, two in the morning
and then wake up a few hours later,
go to work and actually still perform
your duties and do well.
It doesn't work so much nowadays.
I think it's because we get smarter.
Yeah, we do something.
I never like going to clubs ever.
Because you have
to scream to hear, oh yes,
right.
I've learned
to speak with people who like.
So hey, Joyce,
you know what's going on today?
Oh, sorry about that, Stephanie.
In the back
in the directors room back there.
I never enjoyed that.
I guess
I'm just always the chatter, right?
Yeah. I like to talk to people.
I've being in the radio biz
and performing with the DJ biz.
I was always back in the early days.
I was in clubs all the time.
And you're right, I had to be in clubs.
But I didn't really enjoy
going to a club as much
because like you,
I like to be able to have a conversation.
Costas, I like going to like a
like a hall, like
some of the theaters around here I like,
but the club ambiance is
a little bit different. But
you're here with it.
Just so you say that
my hearing is actually it.
I don't know how this happens,
but it seems to have gotten better.
Okay.
I mean, I could be doing a DJ gig, Joyce,
and people could be talking on the floor,
and I hear everything they're saying,
and I get on the microphone and said,
I heard that.
How did you hear that?
Right.
It's for SB that's right, that's right.
I got my shoe, phone and everything.
Maxwell Smart, though
it does.
Juice.
Oh, man.
So what are we
what are we talking about today, Joyce?
I think about starting your fears, Yeah.
We we?
Yes, we are going to talk about that today
because based on your book,
I mean, why don't you hold up that book
so people can see it?
You need to get this book
if you don't have it already.
I wrote this book for all of us.
You know, a few years ago,
just before Covid.
But,
the reason why I wanted to write that book
is because there's a lot of books
that's been written about,
anxiety and stress,
and some of it gets very technical,
you know, like how the brain works
and all that which is which is fine.
But I thought,
I was coming from a different place
because I lived this.
And first of all, I lived it with my mom,
and I didn't know that she had phobia.
And I don't even know
that they use that word.
What does that mean?
The definition for those
who really comes from the Greek word
meaning fear of the market place.
But it's not really
the fear of going out
or the fear of socializing.
It could be that you're having panic
attacks while you're sitting at home.
Yeah, it's really a misfiring of,
your, you know, like,
what makes you anxious?
It's the, you know, cortisol, baby.
Adrenaline. Yeah.
And sometimes with some people,
they're just.
Here's the good news about it.
The good news is highly creative.
People get this right, and your brain
sometimes
is working on overload,
and you're very fast to do things.
You know,
I was always like, a fast walker or fast
talker or whatever, but,
you know, everyone's different.
It's sort of like the thumbprint.
Everyone can experience it differently.
As an example, my
so my mother always had
this, did not know she had it.
She was a great mom because she was home.
Mom didn't drive because
she was afraid to drive and she baked.
So she taught me how to bake.
This woman
is, like, the best baker on the planet.
No, no, I think I have,
I just love to do it.
So my mother was very nurturing that way.
But, there were times as a teenager
especially,
is very upset with her
that she was doing certain things.
And I didn't know
that it was because of that.
Then in my early 20s, I was walking into
what is now a big, wide Branchburg,
and suddenly it just looked like
the floor was tilting
and I felt like my heart began to race,
like I was going to faint.
I didn't know what was happening to me.
And to make a long story short,
I began having panic attacks
and I didn't know how to really deal
with this.
My mother sought help for herself,
but her doctor at the time said, quote,
what you need is a kick in the ass, okay?
And you need to go out and get a job.
Well, she could barely leave her house.
So many people would just poo poo
it back in the day.
Like, you know, suck it up type thing.
But this is a real, real
serious situation.
This is a very serious situation
when you don't know how to deal with it,
when you realize what it is
and you accept, it becomes easier.
So I packed a bag
and I'm
in an appointment to see a psychiatrist,
and my sister drove me to the psychiatrist
in New Haven, Connecticut,
and I thought, he's going to put me in a
in a mental ward
because I can't work.
I can barely go out and get my mail.
I feel like I'm going to die.
But my heart's okay.
I've been checked out.
And I told him my whole story and he said,
you are suffering
with a generalized anxiety disorder.
And he said,
you have one of the best therapists
for this in your own backyard
at the Brantford Counseling Center.
And even though it was a weight off
of my shoulders
and this,
I didn't have to be institutionalized,
I was still dealing with it.
Certain people, when they hear that,
they think they're better.
Oh, I can deal with this now.
But it wasn't going away.
So I worked with this counselor for
for many years, and she would say to me,
acceptance, acceptance.
And it wasn't really seeping in that
this may never go away
until you stop feeding it.
Fear of it.
The moment you start to feel
that feeling again, if anyone out there
has an anxiety disorder,
you understand that
you would rather have a broken leg
or a broken arm
because people could see it
and sympathize with it,
but when they can't see it
and you look normal, right?
And you're always polite
and you leave like a meeting
and say, excuse me, I have to leave.
They don't know what you're really going
through inside,
and it's difficult to explain it.
I think it's a little easier now
to to talk about it,
but it's different from just saying
I'm stressful.
This is a panicky feeling
that makes you feel like you're dying.
And this is a lot more common
than people think, isn't it?
Yeah, especially in this day and age. Yes.
Millions of people really,
really silently suffering.
Absolutely.
So I went through all kinds
of therapy and it said in this book,
starving your fears.
Like you said, don't feed the fear, starve
the fear.
That was a great piece of advice.
You starved the fear.
But first I went on my road of, I'm
going to and I'm not putting down crystals
and things like that.
Everything has their place.
But I was looking for a magic cure.
And a lot of people told me
that magic cure
and whether it was a chiropractor
that was going to adjust my neck to,
to like either lying on crystal bends
or whatever, I was waiting for the miracle
because I wasn't understanding
what my therapist had told me.
Except, yes,
I just wanted it to go away and
so one day
I, I said to my husband,
I really want to drive.
I want to get out there and and drive, but
follow me because I'll feel comfortable
and I was, I was
I was going through a really bad time.
And so he did.
And I thought,
oh, this is good. I'm comfortable.
This follow me.
And guess what?
And the biggest panic attack of all,
oh wow.
My hands were so
my hands were more on the way.
I could feel them.
You were like,
now you were on a side road.
I hope not a highway. Highway.
Somewhere you could pull over. Yes. Okay.
Good, good.
You know that, was on the side
that I could pull over.
But this is where the magic happened.
And this is where it was
the beginning of the end.
And for me, fully understanding,
I heard her say, am.
I had.
You have to accept this.
So while I'm driving now, super slow,
I began to say to myself,
instead of saying,
oh my God, this is happening again!
I can't believe this. He's behind me.
Let no, I shut that down and said this.
Interesting what my body can do
is interesting and I watch.
My hands were like shaking on the wheel.
So yeah.
And I began to watch my body calm down.
And I did the breathing techniques
that I was taught
and I saw, oh, I can control this.
I don't have to feel this fear.
And it was in that moment
that everything changed for me.
But I also remember my mother saying
my mother had speared,
suddenly
dying and leaving her kids
and my father not being home.
She had a lot of feels like that.
So one day, the things she feared
the most happened.
At 52 years old, she had a heart attack.
And I remember
visiting her in the hospital,
and she said to me,
if I lived through this,
when I come out, I'm going to live.
I'm going to really live.
And then when she got
out of that hospital,
she was the shape of her life.
She never walked alone,
but she began walking for her heart.
She began eating differently.
She began thinking a whole new lease
on life.
Wow. Pictured
my mom and dad getting on a plane.
Yeah, and she never flew, right?
No, she couldn't even look at an air.
And she looked like.
I remember seeing that picture,
that big smile on her face.
She was ecstatic.
So later on, when I would call home,
my, my mom always answered the phone.
I remember my dad answering the phone
and they said, Where's mom?
He said, oh, she's not,
And then I thought, wow,
this is a woman who couldn't drive
unless she was with other people
and she couldn't do it. There's
so many things that she couldn't do.
You know, she was in this prison
because she really didn't have the help.
But she began reading a lot of books.
I remember one of her
first books was a Norman Vincent Peale.
Oh, sure.
So she would pass down
these books to me, the power of positive
thinking and all these great books.
That and she shared with me
that she couldn't go into a store,
because if you're waiting in line
and you're paying or you're next up
for the at the bank teller,
you have this claustrophobic
feeling like, oh my gosh,
what if I can't stand here and pay?
What if I have to leave?
And then there's people in front of me,
people behind me.
Where do I go going to be looking at me?
What am I going to do?
She had this racing thoughts
and that happened to her.
She was in a little store
and she, she left whatever
she was going to buy on the counter.
And she went out of the store
and she fell.
And then she said to herself,
wait a minute,
this must be my mind,
because I'm the same person
standing outside the store
that I was standing at that counter.
So nothing really changed.
So my thoughts have changed.
I learned everything
that's really good deductive thinking.
Yeah. Yes.
And she was a very wise, wise woman.
So she passed a lot of that on to me.
And in this book I pass,
I feel like I've been your guinea pig.
So you don't have to. Yes.
I don't want anyone to write. You don't.
And someone in the family,
had called me not too long ago
and said
that they were going through this,
and they apologized
because they never understood
what my mother went through
and what I went through
until they went through,
I said, you know,
people really don't get it.
It's a story, you know,
unless you walk a mile in your shoes,
you don't really know,
but you don't want to be walking a mile in
everybody shoes and feel.
Yes. You just know that you're not alone.
You're not alone when you feel anxiety
and you feel stress
and you have worrisome thoughts,
you get out of control.
Like you feel like you can't stop them.
So in this book
is to tell you
that you have way more control
than we do have dominion over our body
and what we think.
But but sometimes
you just need a little push.
Sometimes you need to walk
through the wave coming at you
and know it's going to pass right.
And everything's going to be calm
on the other side when you lose the fear.
And that's why
I call this starving your fears.
If you don't feed a plant, it's
going to die, right?
And we're the same way.
Don't keep feeding what you fear.
So if the news bothers you,
you don't watch the news, right?
You don't need change the channel.
People will tell you something bad
is happening in your neighborhood that,
people love to gossip.
They'll they'll tell you, let you know.
Did you hear that, so-and-so?
People love that. Don't they?
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, we want to change the world.
So people talk about what's good,
and that's right.
And when you start to talk about it,
you start to think about
what are the good things
that happen in your life.
Don't focus on that.
A terrible childhood for this or that.
No, you are where you are right now, right
and right now.
You could start a fabulous life
just like your mom did.
That was a mindset.
This woman, I'm
telling you, couldn't do anything.
She left that hospital
and that was in her first plane, right?
She went on many planes
and with the anxiety
before thinking about,
you know, passing away.
And then she had that heart attack at 52.
She got a new lease
and she started thinking differently.
And her life changed to fear in the face.
Right. She said, I'm not afraid.
Don't be to that wave.
Like you said, walk into the wave.
And some people, because I've
dealt with hundreds
and hundreds of people with this,
they will be so disappointed
when they get a panic attack
after they've tried things.
I said, no, that's a good thing.
This is your time to practice.
Because that feeling may never go away.
Your body may always be like you know
geared to sending out more adrenaline.
Yeah.
You just have to look at it like
I'm just going to practice through this
and look at it.
See, you know I've been here before.
You go away. Right.
If it does go away.
But don't give it credibility.
And here's a good, good trick.
And I know we've talked about this before,
but I think you can never hear
enough, I'm sure. Yep. Your breath.
It's all in your breath
the moment you start breathing like this.
I guess you just said.
And I just sent a message to my brain
that I'm in trouble.
So we automatically go into the fight
or flight.
Yes, but back in the caveman days,
when you had that adrenaline rush,
you had a for a reason.
Because you were supposed to run
right for,
We're not doing that today.
You're there
going to get food or be food back then.
So while you're sitting at your computer
or you're in bed, even watch a movie,
whatever, and you get that panic feeling
your brain is thinking, do something.
It's telling you to do something.
And when you don't do anything
but like say, oh my God, what's happening?
It pumps out more.
Why isn't Joyce running.
Why isn't Joyce right.
So it just exacerbates
what's, what's happening within you.
But the mom that I'm talking nanosecond
you get breath down into your belly
and you do diaphragmatic breathing.
You send a message to your brain
that you're okay
and you can't have an anxiety attack.
It's impossible
because your brain has shut
all those valves off for you.
Now you can get right back
into the panic mode again
but learn to breathe diaphragmatic like.
And I always like to give people
the vision of,
thinking of a toddler standing there,
you know, a little diaper on,
and they got that rounded. Yes.
And they're breathing.
The moment
they get stressed they're all here.
Right.
Yeah a dog, a cat is the same way
when they're, they're just stretched out,
they're belly breathing.
But if there's stress
they're barking right here.
We're meant to be breathing
through the belly area.
And only when we're speaking,
even when you're speaking of
you can train yourself to
because I do that
as a singer, as a singer.
And when you're out there doing public
speaking or whatever,
using that diaphragm,
good posture, shoulders back
and and the biggest trick I learned,
it was through a wonderful book
about breathwork.
I wish I could remember like that,
but they said that your nose is designed
to breathe, you know, because of the hairs
in our nose and everything,
it captures the, you know, the follicles.
And, and so
when you close off one nostril,
taking a deep breath, even if you're
in your car, you could do this.
I do this in traffic.
It automatically makes you
breathe diagrammatically
and then exhale through the nostril.
Also some people
like to take the breath in and go
oh yeah, that's fine too.
But if you can do it just, you know,
you just lean like this and
you take the breath in, breath out
like alternating three times,
you will calm your body.
And it's it's like a miracle
because you are a miracle witness.
And I do the same thing every morning
along with my workout in the morning,
like a little core
Pilates, yoga exercises in the morning.
And I spend time breathing,
you know, just breathing
in through my nose, like you were saying,
alternate this and that, and then then
maybe after every 30 times, I'll.
I breathe in real deep and hold it
for as long as I can, and I go out slowly,
and I.
Any kind of stress is gone.
You can't help but feel good,
because the more oxygen
you have in your body,
the less chance of disease.
Yes, because there's more ease.
Disease means lack of ease.
The more ease you have in the body.
Oxygen,
you know, the more oxygen you have in
your body,
the less apt you're going to have disease.
So breathing is extraordinarily important,
and people forget to breathe.
They do, they do.
You don't realize
at times that you're holding your breath
or breathing very shallow.
Most people you're so right
there as people that are over 30,
35 years old too.
They get less
and less oxygen in their body
because they're not sprinting.
They're not running as much anymore.
They're not exercising as much.
They're becoming more lethargic.
And, that's that's a dangerous situation.
You want to continually expand
those lungs to get air in your body.
And exercise.
It's a it's really, really important.
And breathing in
and getting that air in the body,
if you could just walk a little slowly,
you know, there's a saying that let's see
if you're lying down,
but you can stand up, stand up.
If you're sitting,
stand up
if you can walk, walk
if you can, then put it in a faster walk.
Do that.
Because what happens
when you exercise in any form?
You're actually telling your brain,
your body that you're alive? Yes.
And your body responds to that.
Almost like saying,
oh, John wants to live. Yes.
You know, let's let's help him live.
Right?
But when you just let go
and you think I'm too old or I'm too sick,
whatever your body response is, oh,
they're too old and and you're prophesize
in your future with that too.
And the thing is, we really are.
It sounds cliche,
but we really are ageless.
Yes, because, I mean, I know people
that are 20 who are old, by the way.
They think, oh, I'm so old now.
I was a guy at the gym
the other day. Can't do what I used to do.
I'm 30 years old now and I'm
thinking to myself, what do you do?
You know who you're talking to?
I mean, come on, come on, you know,
but we do.
We do kind of, like, manifest what we say
and what we think.
I've watched people prophesize
that and like, from years of go
now I'm not going to be able to do this
right.
I can't do this.
And then I look at them today
and I think, yeah,
I may be aging,
but I right now, you know what?
We are not aging.
We are using for
we are using we're not used.
No no no no no, I don't know.
That's a whole different show.
But we are youth not aging.
Yes, we are.
Think that's right.
Actually it has. Right. Yes. Right.
Mindset.
It, it right
that saying you're as young as you feel
we're going to go out
kicking and screaming no matter what.
We're kicking and screaming. So are you.
We believe in you.
So just know that you have more power
than you know.
It's in your breath.
It's in the way
you think. And life is good.
It is good.
Listening to us right
now, you have ears to hear.
Maybe you have eyes to see.
Maybe you can walk. Or you could talk.
Focus on what's good in your body,
what's going on in your life,
and know that nothing bad
is going to last forever.
And unless you make it, what do they say?
What 9,596% of what you worry about
never comes to fruition anyway,
we let fear take over
and my my whole motto is faith over fear
has always been
my motto of faith over fear.
So again, starving those fears and just
feeding our faith, feeding positive.
A lot of us have things in our life
that we'd like to change, but
I want to focus on the things that I like
that are good in my life.
It's too easy to go down the road.
I wish I had this,
I wish I had that, no, no, no.
You know, just, you know, it's
okay to want to want things.
But as I get older too,
I think more and more about experiences
and friendships more than things,
you know,
the more you appreciate what you have
right now, you may see those things.
You may.
And the more you're more grateful
you're about things,
the more goods is
going to come into your life.
So we wish that for you.
Breathe.
Breathe. Smile.
Smile, everybody.
Like a Raggedy Ann or Andy doll.
Just sitting there limp like this.
You can't have a panic attack
because you're diaphragmatic breathing
when you do that, right?
So think of yourself as
and happy and.
Yeah, life will be better.
So if somebody calls you Raggedy
Ann, it's a compliment.
Your ankle
starving your fears, you can get it on
and you can do whatever
for literally pennies. So,
where else can they get?
Can they get on Amazon?
I don't want to.
First came out it was number one on Amazon
for like 13 straight weeks.
Thank you.
I see how I'm manifesting that you have.
Oh I just want you to know I have stories
worth of people that I've worked with
and how they came out of their fears.
It's I think it's a great read.
It's a it's an easy read.
And every page
there's going to be something on here.
I like all the pictures in there too.
You know, which which my husband took
these pictures means a lot.
That meant a lot.
And plus, at the outset of the show,
you were saying there have been,
you know, books written about this,
but they've been so, you know, technical
the way that the way you.
Yeah.
And I like that because the average
everyday person can understand this
and doesn't have to be a rocket scientist
about it.
I'm not talking about someone who.
Yeah.
I mean, let me just say
also this that the,
the therapist that I saw said
she could understand
what I was going through
because she once had a panic attack.
And then something happened.
She said, well, it's
my first time flying solo.
And I looked like I was running on a gas
and it's like, get out of here.
I said anyone would have a panic, right.
You're crying solo I said no is it.
You don't understand.
These are panic attacks
while you're sitting home watching TV.
Yeah.
And that's what made me want to write
this book, from someone who's lived it.
Anyway. That's enough.
Yeah.
No no no no, I, I think that's great,
I really do, but there
there is, there is hope for for you.
I mean, people like we talk about
all the time don't want to feel like
they're alone and feel like,
is this really just happening to me? No.
There's a lot of people that,
that, that deal with this
don't know how to express it.
Like I said,
you get sympathy with a broken arm
because people can see it,
but if they can't see, right,
just the amount of angst
over the stress that you're living, right?
They don't understand it.
Like the doctor said to my mother,
just go get a job.
I went out to coffee recently
with a gentleman who was a dear
friend of mine, who's really suffering
from major anxiety and so many levels.
He just wanted to be.
He wanted to be heard.
I just sat down with him,
listen to and let him talk.
Didn't Pooh Pooh anything he was saying.
See? Listen, man, this is a free place.
This is a judgment free zone.
Kind of like Planet Fitness, right?
And you could talk to me
and say anything to me, and,
you know, it's
not going to go anywhere, right?
Because I always tell people,
if you tell me something, you say,
I want this to be in confidence.
I will always say,
this is only between me and my wife,
because my wife and I are one,
and they oh, we expect that, you know.
And so that's that's
what that's where it goes.
But that's as far as it goes.
And they know that
they're not being judged. Right.
Because we all have issues.
Every one of us has issues.
We all have that in common.
We love you very much.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
The what's good with John enjoys.
So we'll catch you again next time.
We pray for you and your family.
And please subscribe,
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