What's Good with John & Joyce: Ep 3 - Wake Up!

Feels good to be here again. It
does? Yeah.

So what did you do? Just breeze in here?

Just breeze in here?
Yeah. Yeah. That's right.

So I have my jacket on, you know, but,
Yeah.

Yeah. It's been a busy morning here.

You out there running errands?

And how was your day today?

It was. It wasn't.

And it was an interesting day, you know,

Our show is about today.

We're going to talk about.

What are we talking about?

We're talking about.

You're asking me to remember that
I wake up.

Wake up.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Wake up.

I have my coffee yet, so.

Yeah, I cannot wait.

You know, just deal with water
here, Joyce.

So when you woke up today.

You have a great routine in the morning.

You know I tell everyone what you do
because I, I'm just so impressed.

When I wake up in the morning.

And I made a concerted effort
over the past year

to especially I pretty much done
this most of my life choice.

But over the past year
it just everything seemed to coincide,

with my faith
just getting deeper and deeper each

and every, you know, year
for that matter, up to this point.

But I get up in the morning,
I do my prayers,

and then I do my gratitude exercises.

What am I grateful for

and who I'm going to get together
with during the course of the day?

So I'm, I'm, I pray for
you and your family.

I pray for the folks here
that are doing the recording,

you know, Steph and Dave in the back here

and, and just people that are going
to be coming in contact with

and and developing that metal armor
before I go out into the world.

Because let's face it,
the world is crazy right now.

It's crazy in a lot of ways,

but there's a lot of beauty out there
too, as well,

where you look and then I'll do my yoga
and my Pilates exercises.

So it's spirit,
mind, body each and every day.

So by the time I walk out of my room
in the morning,

7:00, 750 and I have all that done
and I'll scurry down the hall,

hang out with the kitty cats,
not hang out with my bride.

You know, feed
the nerds and just, you know,

kind of plan out the day.

But I don't want anything
random to come into my life.

I don't want to check emails.

Yeah. News right away. Yes.

I want to dictate and be intentional
about my day right?

Because too many times people run out,
they check.

They check the phone, they listen to
the news, and then that impacts their day.

And they're really playing from defense
at that point, right?

I rather be offensive. Right?

Yeah. So perfect.

And when you say you pray for people,
you really do pray for people.

I see it all the time.

So many people are hurting right now.

And it, everybody you run to run into
is battling something.

So I try to spend more time doing that.

And, and I love when, you know, God
puts people in front of me that I can pray

for, be good to him.

I really enjoy doing that. Right. Right.

How about you.

Well you know, it's, it's funny
that our show is called, you know, wake up

and we're going to talk about don't
keep telling the same story over and over.

And Groundhog Day.

Yeah. And I think not

to keep referencing my books,
but I think it was in my first book.

Where is your book as some.

That's okay. Is it is it available now?

The abundantly they

both are starving your fears
by think and starving your fears right.

I wrote about.

Oh, thank you for holding up my book.

Yeah, well, it's worth it.
I read the whole thing.

Okay.
Can you tell why I like the color blue?

And I'm wearing a blue and a blue.

You got blue, too.

But I talk about,

it, you know,
whatever happens in your life

the most, you should tell it's like
three people and then be done with it.

So the important people would be,

you know, your spouse,
your doctor, your minister.

But after that,
if you keep telling the story, your brain

doesn't know the difference between
it happening now or happening in the past.

And it keeps you
in that state of of agitation.

So what most people don't know,

except for good friends
like you or my doctor,

doctors.

Is that three months ago,
I was in a pretty bad car accident.

And so people think, oh, you know, Joyce's
life is so great.

She's so positive.

So three months ago, it was a challenge.

You know, I got hit
head on by someone really shocking.

My grandson's in the car with me.

Ambulance ride, the whole thing.

And the first thing I noticed
is that afterwards,

people who knew who were there
around there said, who was that person?

Don't you hate them?

Don't you hate him? What's his name?

And I thought,
no, I didn't have any feeling like that.

I thought he didn't begin his day
thinking, I'm

going to go out and smash
my own car up to.

So I prayed for him

and the woman
that was in the car with them.

And I never saw them.

You know?

In fact, I don't remember too much

about that except the
for some reason, the ambulance ride.

But I

don't like to talk about it
because I don't want to keep

reminding my body and my mind

that this terrible thing happened.

It happened.

I'm dealing with it.

And last night

was probably a really tough night
in my life because for some reason,

every two hours I was jolted awake

by a new pain shooting up into my head.

And at one point I thought,
are you going to die?

And then I thought, you know what?

I'm too tired to go to the emergency room.

So seriously,

if I wake up in the morning,
it must mean that I'm supposed to be here.

So when I woke up this morning,
I said I'm alive.

I guess I'm supposed to be.

Here, but I love how the fact is, it,
you basically forgave this person.

Absolutely. And and that frees you up.

And if you keep going over it
and we start developing animus

toward that person, or.

Yes, anger, we keep reliving that accident
over and over again.

Right. Same situation over and over again.

And I understand where people are.

They're well-meaning

people who want you upset about,
but it doesn't really do any good, right?

It doesn't really do any good.

So we're just better off
just to forgive, move on.

We're not forgiving the offense.

We're forgiving for our sake,
just to move on.

I thought it was a, a great test, in life
also because

just because, we have a strong faith,
things happen.

And it's
always about how we react to things,

you know,
not even the circumstance that happened.

And that's a good point, because when you
I learned this from a mentor years ago,

when you respond, practice to respond.

You're in control.

But if you react then
the situation of the person is in control.

So respond.

And then you have that control react.

You put that situation. Yeah. Person.
Yeah.

It's not easy.

It's not easy to do
because you know we our initial reaction

being feelings is anger.

Yeah.

And some people watch you right now
were saying how can you forgive.

What are you saying. Easy. What are you.
What are you crazy?

And I get that I understand that, but
at the same time, I've learned with wisdom

over the years, you know, as we matured
or gotten older, you know, just to,

just just to roll with it, the things,
like you said, things are going to happen.

Rain falls on the just.

Rain falls on the unjust, like it says.

No, absolutely.
There was a time in my life

for like years,
I am embarrassed to say how many years.

I was really angry with a person.

I mean, I

it was pretty much hatred at times.

And if I wrote it on paper
and handed it to someone, why,

you would all agree with me like, whoa.

And not too long ago,

I sat on my bed

and I'll never forget that moment.

And I just shut my I shut my door.

I sat on my bed and I said, God,

I am so tired of being angry
at this person.

I don't know
what their whole life is like.

I don't know why
they are the way they are,

but I'm releasing this to you.

You handle this person, I can't,

and from this moment on and this fight,
I said this from this moment on,

I will never speak ill of this person
again.

I will send love.

I let it go.

And within 48 hours

I got a email from this person.

Years I haven't received an email

and the opening line was, Dear Joyce,

I have no idea what happened between us,

but I am sure it was my fault.

Is there any way you know
we could get together?

I wrote back, absolutely.

And when that person walked in my house,
we embraced

and it's just done.

What a healing.

I could do a healing.

Let me tell you, John,
this went on for 20 years.

That's a. Long time.

It was 20 years.

I was telling that story to anyone
who would listen to anyone in my circle.

Right.

You know, to the point where they would
say, oh, how is that going?

And I and I and they,
they heard all these stories

and everything, but I just got sick of it.

But look at the miracle.

Within 48. Hours, it was in 48.

Wow. Yeah.

I don't know what happened between us,

but I'm sure it was my fault
and really was.

Can you forgive me?

And now, if you were to tell me

any part of that story, I am like Teflon.

It doesn't even make sense to me.

I just have complete love for that person.

And other people
will speak ill of this person at times.

And, I'm quiet.

I don't say anything.

And I just said, you know, the most
I'll say is I don't feel that way.

Yeah. You know, anymore.

Yeah.

And that's one thing
I try not to get myself lured into.

You know, to your point, there is,
when I hear people speaking ill of people,

I don't want to be drawn into the drama

and the gossip,

because if they're gossiping about that
person is speaking

ill of them, chances are they're speaking
ill or gossiping about me.

Yeah.

How many times have you had people go up
to you and say, just between you and me?

And we know they said
that to several other people, right?

Right. Just between you and me.

Although when I say it to you,
I do mean it.

I know what I love. What you say to me.

You say you, me and Patty, right?

And it's like, of course.

Yeah. Because.
Because my wife and I are one. Yes.

And that's a good point.

Because when people do say that to me,
I say, listen,

you know, my the only person I'll tell
is my wife, right.

You know, and oh well that's okay.
They expect. That.

Yes, yes. Yeah.

But typically a lot of people, you know,
the people that are prone to gossiping,

maybe I should phrase my I know answer
that way, I know, I know and it just.

But you're right.

And you and you know
because you've heard through the grapevine

some things they've said
just between you and me.

And somebody else
has repeated the same thing to you.

I always tell people,

if you say that to me, I guarantee you
it will never get back to you.

Yes, ever. You are so trust. Never.

Know.

You're
you're like my priest in the confessional.

You're really. Oh, father John.

Bless me, father, for I have sinned.

And they call me the Jim Hallmark.

Johnny.

Hallmark.

Johnny, I love that.

Oh, thanks.

No, you are a hallmark movie.

Yes. In the back and the control room.

You can edit that part out there.

All right. Okay. Yeah.

Right now, because a lot of people think,
you know, what we talked about before.

Is John really that way all the time?

You know, you're very upbeat.

I am I'm almost like anybody else.

But you listen to people too,
you know, that's a gift.

That's a gift. And and you hear them.

And I see the empathy in your eyes.

And when you say you're going to pray
for someone, like I said,

you really pray for them
and you hold them in your heart.

And that really is a gift.

And we can all do that when we were.

We may not be born that way.

I wasn't I think it was something

that I had to learn and work on.

And until it becomes a habit.

So practice it daily, like wake up,

you have the power,
you have way more power than you realize.

You have the power to turn off the news.

You have the power
to think better thoughts.

Don't be drawn into the negative.

There's there's little in life
probably, that we have control over.

But, you know, the old saying is
you control your thoughts and control.

You can choose your words.

Oh, you can you can manifest your reality
in so many ways

just by the words you speak over yourself.

Yeah, you speak

and the way you wake up in the morning
like we had talked about just moments ago.

Just be intentional about your day. Right?

You know,
because there's just so much chaos.

There's so many people
that want to sabotage your day or,

you know, vie for your time.
And that's all good.

But you've got to really protect yourself
too and protect your time, protect you.

You would you could pray

for everybody and love everybody,
but you also have to protect your time.

Yeah. You do.

And, you know, I would suggest to everyone
to, you know, I wanted to say

try for a day not to be judgmental,
but how about you try for five minutes?

Sometimes that could even seem.

Like increments.

Little increments.

Be mindful of that every day.

Because every time you judge or you hate,
you send anger.

You lose energy.

And I will.

I am very protective.

I will not let that happen to myself.

Smart too.

Because the thing is, a lot of diseases,
I believe,

based on what I read, comes from the term.

Well, disease really means lack of these.

So when you have that lack of use,

I really believe it
manifests to in the body.

Right.

And if we hate and we use all that,
there's only so much energy

we have in our body,
only so much energy in our cup.

So let's fill it up with positivity
the most we can.

Yes, let's face it.

You know, we're not,
none of us are perfect.

We all judge by nature.

Yeah, unfortunately, we do that.

We see someone
and we judge that within five 1015 20s.

But we just need to kind of correct
our thought a little bit

before we judge,
you know, and look at ourselves.

We're far from perfect right.

We have a lot of flaws. Yeah.

And I don't, I have a lot.

As long as we're alive
we're gonna have a lot of a lot of flaws.

But if you find yourself getting,
getting tense and, you know,

because I work with people with phobias
and anxiety and everything, just

as simple
as reminding yourself to breathe.

So even right now,
whether you're driving and listening,

don't close your eyes for it.

But, relax your shoulders
because so many times

we have our shoulders up to our ears
and we don't realize it.

But relax your shoulders
and take in a belly breath

because here's what happens
when you breathe what they call thoracic

lee up here, you're sending a message
to your brain that you're in trouble,

so your brain doesn't know
the difference between,

you know, that old fight or flight
caveman days.

There was a time where we human race

was running from danger.

I'm a real danger,
and we needed that extra

adrenaline flowing through
so we could running get away.

Have is in my house every now and then.

When I took off, my wife.

She's got the curling. Iron.

I run like you know what?

And that's when you need the adrenaline.

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yes.

But the moment
you get your breath down into your belly

and think about, a dog

or a cat
when they're sleeping or a toddler,

their bellies are going up and down
and the only time

they're breathing from up
here is when a baby's crying.

A dog is barking,
a cat's meowing because they're upset.

So we're suppose to be breathing
normally through,

you know, our, our abdominal area,

there are diaphragm.

And when you do that, you send a message

to your brain that you're okay

and you couldn't have stressful thoughts

or an anxiety panic attack

because your brain shuts off the valves

to the adrenaline and to the cortisol,
you know, all of that.

And then you just begin to feel relaxed.

Now you hone in on the dopamine.

There you go.

Good feeling chemicals.

Yes, yes.

Because because actually
we're not getting up and running.

So let's say you're sitting at your desk

and you're very stressed about work,
and your brain starts

sending out like this adrenaline
and you start to feel okay.

You stop the clock, but.

No, your heart starts racing.

Your palms get sweaty because your brain
is saying, do something.

You're not doing anything.

You're not running
because we're not running for danger.

Hopefully we're not running from danger
all the time.

So the only way to counteract
that is to say,

I'm going to take a deep breath
and I'll show you a really trick, quick

trick with. And trigger quick trick.

That's right. Quick quick quick quick.

Whatever.

This is organic, folks.

This is organic. Nothing.

You know slick about this, right? Nothing.

And while you're talking about that,

I heard a ding on my phone,
so I'm not sure if I,

But while you're doing that,
I'm just going to show you.

There we go.

If you close off one nostril.

I do this in the car and I'll just, like,
lean like this.

So, you know, it doesn't look like you're
picking your nose or anything but,

but if you just close off one nostril

and you take a breath in through

that nostril, out that nostril,

it automatically makes you diaphragmatic
breathe.

It just automatically does that.

So and you can alternate three times

on each side
and you're just going to feel better.

I guarantee
you you're going to feel better.

So just a little trick that.

I do that in the morning
to the breathing exercises

after reading your book with that too,
I don't necessarily always, you know.

You don't have to do that,
but I. Just love taking it to.

Yes. And just breathe it.

Right.

And anytime I feel stressed
or a little bit I do that and I'll do it

5 to 10 times.

And all of a sudden like you said
I feel so much better.

You know I read a book years ago,
that's where I got this from,

like the Art of breathing.

And I was fascinated by this,
that we are meant

to be breathing in through our nostrils
and out through nostrils.

And that's why we have nose hairs,

because it captures the pollen
and the dust and all of that.

There's a purpose for that.

In fact,
the only time we should be breathing like

this is when we're speaking.

And even when we're eating,
we should be silent.

And I know in many other countries
it's very sacred when they're eating.

And a lot of times
what happens in restaurants, people choke.

Why are they choking?

They have a mouthful of food
and they're laughing and talking

and it gets sucked in.

So I'm also very mindful of that.

I like to be really quiet
when I'm eating and,

and be mindful
even before you put that first fork

in your mouth to say thank you.

Thank you for the food on my table.

Thank you to all the people
it took to bring you this food.

And it just slows things

down and makes you feel good.

So wake up to that fact within yourself
and you're going to feel a lot

better in life.

It's hard to be negative
when you're grateful when you see.

And that's a real good point
about the food when you're sitting down.

Patti and I will do our prayers,
you know, before we eat at night,

thanking,
you know, thanking God for the food.

But we also thank, you know,
the Amazon driver comes up.

The driver. Yes, we thank him.

We yes, we pray for the gentleman,
as you know, emptying our garbage cans.

Yes. Thank you for all the mailman.

Rice. Everywhere you go.

Thank you so much for the cashier.
Thank you so much for that.

Waiter waitress, thank you
so much for the chef in the back.

You know, cooking our food restaurant
when you when you're in a

a state of gratitude, it really
kind of brings you back into the center.

It does.

It automatically
puts you in a good mood again.

Again, it's not easy.

But we have to be intentional.

You have to be intentional. Intentional.

Right? Right.

And it's like, I always think of gratitude

like a bucket of ice water,
you know, throwing on a fire.

It just puts it out.

Whatever you're upset about
when you stop, right, to be grateful,

it just comes everything.

In the bucket of ice on the fire.

Then throwing it on you. Yes.

I wouldn't be so grateful if that was
thrown off. No, I wouldn't want that up.

But I wouldn't want to sit in the fire
right there.

Even though people do say.

Cold plunges are really good for
you mean for the immune system? Yes.

Yes, but that's a whole other episode.

Yes. We have to have my friend Kazeem
on our show

because he does that every week and chops
the ice and goes, yes, yes.

And he's he's quite the healthy mental
and body wise. Yes.

And he wrote a book.
We should get him on here.

Am I should
we should. He wrote a children's book.

But this children's book
really is for adults as well, right?

Yeah.

So when.

So are we going to wake up to,

to gratitude
every day and don't tell the same story?

I think that's the basis of the show, is
what story

are you telling that
maybe you're identified with?

Oh, it did just remind me of Caroline
Mace, Carolyn

Mace, and a lot of people
pronounce it mis, but she pronounces her.

Her last name is mace.

Oh, yeah, but it's m y s s.

And 30 years ago I read.

30 years ago I read a book of hers

and she said, and she's a great
she's a great intuitive.

I don't know exactly what her title is,
but she's certainly an author as speaker.

And she's, she's pretty tough with people.

And she said she was in a restaurant, and,

she saw some people she knew at the table,
and they introduced her around.

And the woman said to her, hi, my name is,
you know, whatever my my name is,

you know, Sarah, and, I'm recovering
from cancer and blah, blah, blah.

And Carolyn said to her,
why did you feel it was necessary

to introduce yourself
as a cancer patient or in recovery?

And she said, because I am, she says,
no, you are more than that.

You know, like,
why don't you drop that story?

That's not your identity.

You're you're battling cancer right now,
but that's not who you are.

Right?

So I think that would be our suggestion
to people.

I think what follows the words
I am is really important.

Stream, Lee. Important.

You know.

Yeah.

That, I am a big talker, not a victim.

Right.

Say that to yourself
each time when you wake up in the morning.

I'm a victor, not a victim.

And so many times
we focus on negative when we say things.

Oh, I can't do that.

I can't do this. I can't do that.

Well, how can you, take the,

the t out of can't and the apology
and make it a can.

What we say over ourselves really means so
much, right?

We have enough of the world out there
being against us.

We need to be for ourselves.

Yes, and have fun with that. Yeah.

You know, if someone comes over to you
and says, hi, you know, size to me

who, like, who are you?

Just say,
I am grateful to meet you, right?

Yeah, that's who I am. Sure.

And I always say all the time,
you know, when people reach out to me

on Facebook or Instagram
and and friend me up,

I'll say, you know,
thank you so much for the reach out.

I'm very grateful.

And like my wife and I always say
you can always gain a new friend.

And people love that.

It's just a warmness about it.

But that's true.

And we could all gain a new friend. Right.

And we want to gain you as our friends.

So will you. Please be our friend.

Yeah.

Like, you know if you like listening
to us, like us, subscribe

and tell people about us
because we want to spread,

the joy, of course,
but we want to spread peace

within you,
because then that spreads to other people.

And we need this now more than ever.

The world is always going to need it,
right?

I look up biographies way back
that took place in the 30s or 40s.

There's always strife going on.

Every every time's be tumultuous.
No way it has.

But during the most tumultuous times,
I think the good rises up also.

So be part of that campaign.

I say. The cream always rises to the top
that.

Well, you know,
yes it does. It really does.

But you could find us on YouTube
and iHeart and I believe.

Whatever.

Spotify, Apple, just Google
just what they tell a friend about us.

Please.

Yes, I really appreciate that.
Thank you for listening.

Thank you so much for checking out
what's good with John and Joyce.

And, a lot of love
for you and your family.

Bye for now. Bye.